Lonely After Retirement?

Love as connection, not certainty
February Series Part 2: Be Your Own Best Friend

Loneliness after 60 isn’t a personal failure.
It’s a life transition.

And it deserves honesty — not platitudes.

We’re often told that love and belonging are things we find.
At this stage of life, they’re more often things we practice.

Love Isn’t Certainty. It’s Connection.

Self-love after 60 isn’t indulgent.
It isn’t spa days or affirmations in the mirror.

It’s presence.
It’s choosing to stay engaged with life — even when it feels uncomfortable.

Making friends is a life skill many of us learn early.
For some people, it comes easily. Others struggle — and always have.

As we grow older, life reshapes our circles.
Careers end. Families change. Loss, divorce, retirement, relocation — all of it quietly narrows our worlds.

We can become more discerning.
Sometimes less trusting.
Sometimes more isolated than we expected.

Online Connection Isn’t the Same as Being Seen

Maybe you spend time worrying about your children and grandchildren — scrolling alone, chatting or gaming instead of learning in-person people skills.

And then, quietly, after 60… many of us do the same thing.

We stay home.
We watch TV.
We scroll.
We tell ourselves we’re “connected.”

But scrolling isn’t the same as being seen.
Commenting isn’t the same as being held in conversation.

Connection doesn’t happen by proximity alone — online or off.

Opportunity Still Knocks — But It Looks Different Now

Remember when we used to say, “Opportunity knocks”?

That’s still true.
But after 60, I’ve learned it doesn’t knock loudly — and it doesn’t wait.

For me, opening the door didn’t come from one brave moment.
It came from small, sometimes uncomfortable choices.

Travel became one of mine. Not because I was fearless or outgoing — but because I knew staying home wasn’t going to work for me. When I put myself in new places, around people who shared curiosity and openness, connection followed — slowly, imperfectly, but genuinely. And I got to reinvent myself, learn from others and grow.

Others I me have found their way differently:

• through a local spiritual community

• a senior center or creative group

• volunteering

• a second career or passion project

None of it was instant.
All of it required showing up.

One path is staying put.
The familiar path is being safe and comfortable.

But another choice is choosing some form of connection,
even when it feels awkward or unfamiliar.

Because disconnection doesn’t just affect our mood.
It affects our mental health.
Our physical health.
Our sense of purpose.

Showing Up Matters More Than How You Look

Here’s another thing I’ve learned:
No one is judging how you look. No one is keeping score.

What matters is that you showed up.
That you engaged.
That you listened, smiled, or shared something of yourself — even briefly.

Connection doesn’t require confidence.
It requires presence.

Before You Give Up…

Pause.

Take a breath.

Ask yourself one honest question:

Where could I open the door just a little wider — in a way that feels possible for me right now?

Not forever.
Not perfectly.
Just enough to let someone in or go out and introduce yourself.

That’s self-love at this stage of life.
Not certainty — but connection.

February Series: Be Your Own Best Friend